There’s No Blood Test For Who You Want To Be

Owen Pearn (Owen Parachute)

I’m Owen Pearn and I counsel worldwide by email and video-chat.
If you’d like to reprogram your brain so it does what you want, see if we’re a match.

You

If you were sold the lie that there’s something wrong with you, I can help you return it for a refund:

You And Owen Parachute
You’re The Pilot, I’m The Navigator

A Joke I Made Up

What’s the difference between a French fashion magazine and the DSM-5?

One is a collection of unfalsifiable judgements of human expression decided by fiat in secret committee and the other one has lots of photos of beautiful clothes.

Dear Human,

Do You Want To Get Rid Of Some Bad Stuff?

Do you want to get rid of bad feelings, bad memories, bad thoughts, bad reactions or bad behaviour?

Photo via Andrew Robinson / Unsplash

Is This Your To-Do List?

Do you want to understand how and why you think, remember, feel and act the way you do?

Black clothes, black coffee, black heart.
High heels, high hopes, low standards.
Smile on the outside, die on the inside.
Get rid of most of these people.
Cry, laugh, cut, repeat.
Apply for job: Driver of the Struggle Bus.
Apply for job: Conductor of the Pain Train.
Apply for job: Mayor of Wrong Town.
Give up all hope for a better past.
Keep waiting for that thing that’s never going to happen.
Bright lights and f-f-fear.
Back-and-forth-rocking-with-occasional-mewing.
See if two eating disorders cancel each other out.
Get help for entire population of crazy people running around inside head.
Do-it-yourself brain surgery can’t be that hard.
Remove Head Chakra from Ass Chakra.
See if rock bottom has a basement.
Find that damn weasel.

Are You STUCK, STUCK, STUCK And You Have To Change SOMETHING But You Don’t Know What Or How?

Do you want to change things? Reduce stress? Make peace with your past? Rediscover yourself? Step beyond your normal thought patterns?

Photo via Bart Christiaanse / Unsplash

Great News

I can help.

Photo via Owen Pearn

Ghosts freed.

Dreams serviced.

Psychological yoga.

Mental martial arts.

Power tools for the soul.

Emotional heart surgery.

Time machines installed.

Spellbooks for the psyche.

Synaptic software upgrades.

Painful memories controlled.

Self-directed neuroplasticity.

Personal training for the mind.

Conditioned reactions unconditioned.

Dangerous things turned into safe things.

Unwanted emotional responses turned off.